Escort Duty
by Madilayn
Summary: Tag for S6 HypochondriCap. Escorting Cap to his Dr appointment wasn't going to be easy. But the crew has prepared.


_"On behalf of Station 51, we're here to escort you to your Dr appointment, Cap."_

_"What Dr appointment? I don't have a Dr appointment."_

_"Yes you do.":_

_"We voted."_

Captain Stanley glared at his men. The Doctors at Rampart were busy enough without this completely useless waste of time that DeSoto was insisting on. He took a step forward, intent on escaping to his car and going home, but was surrounded. So they were going to try that. Well, he wasn't stupid, and he was as agile as his men – and only Johnny could match him when he an flat out, so he was certain he could escape quite easily.

His hands in his pocket closed around his keys, and as they had to move to single file to go out the door, he made his move. Kelly was in front of him, and Marco behind. He would be easily able to dodge the two shortest members of the crew.

Cap made his move, and was brought to a quick halt as strong arms wrapped around him and bore him reasonably gently (given the circumstances) to the ground.

"That's it! Hold him down Stoker!" Roy yelled.

"Sit on him!"

"Oof! I'm sure that wasn't meant to be taken literally, Stoker!" Cap's voice was muffled somewhat as he was lying face down on the cement. He moved his arms to lever himself up, but felt strong hands take hold of his legs, and two more secure his arms.

"Hank? Strange time to be doing a drill," the B-Shift Captain spoke. Great.

Then again – he had a witness to the mutiny of his crew. "Mutiny!": he tried to gasp out, but a strong hand covered his mouth.

"Now Cap," Stoker said mildly. "Don't try to move just yet – you've had a bit of a fall. Let Roy and Johnny check you out."

The Captain of B-Shift took in the situation with a comprehensive glance and decided that it was none of his business what A-Shift got up to when they were not on duty. He couldn't see any blood, and DeSoto and Gage were on hand.

If they needed help, he supposed they would call.

And he _really_ didn't want to know. Officially.

* * *

Some part of him was incredibly proud of his boys. They showed once again how well they worked together as a team.

But he was still going to string each and every one of them up the hose tower by their toes for this little stunt.

He was sitting trussed up in Mike's truck as his Engineer tenderly fastened a seatbelt around him.

"Traitor."

"Now Cap, it's for your own good." Mike's voice was as even as always, and he patted his Captain on the shoulder.

"You're meant to be on my side."

"I am. I'm making sure that my Captain is capable of carrying out his duties without putting the crew at risk."

He was smirking! Stoker was actually smirking. He was finding this amusing. Hanging him by his toes was too good for him.

Hank struggled, but he knew it was useless. Gage had tied the ropes.

Damn his efficient, talented, devious crew.

He glared at Stoker a he climbed into the drivers seat and they pulled out into the street. He continued glaring at him on the drive to Rampart. Stoker ignored him.

"You voted?!" It burst out of him before he could stop it.

"Yup."

"On what? What form this mutiny would take?"

"Of course not, Cap. We voted to escort you to the Dr appointment that Roy made for you. I was the one who decided we might need to take steps to ensure you actually went." As usual, Stoker sounded completely reasonable. He always did. It was the secret of his zingers – he could say the most outrageous things in that mild, reasonable tone, and by the time you realized exactly what he said, he had vanished.

Well not this time. This time he was stuck. He couldn't vanish.

Problem is, neither could Hank.

"You're the one who decided to hogtie me!"

"You haven't been hogtied. According to Johnny, hogtieing is very different."

"You discussed it!"

"Not recently, Hank. A couple of years ago. When he' not trying to appear important, he's actually a pretty incredible teacher. And when he knows something, he really knows it."

"I know that," Hank said impatiently. "It's why he and Roy do so much training of new Paramedics. Stop trying to deflect, Mike. I want to know why you were discussing hogtieing – and why you felt it necessary to plan this." He shook himself somewhat so Mike would be aware he was referring to the ropes.

Mike pulled into a parking space at Rampart and gave his friend a single, comprehensive look. "Why do you think?" he asked and got out of the truck to greet the rest of the crew.

Hank was ignoring them as he thought of fresh ways he could get his revenge on his Engineer. Some he dismissed immediately (there was no way he was going to damage their Engine) but others definitely had possibilities.

Finally the building he was looking at impinged on his consciousness and an idea sprang into his mind. Hank Stanley smiled slowly. It was simple. It would work.

And none of the twits on his crew would be able to object or get out of it.


End file.
